I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Banned from zoo.
Again?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
