I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
