woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
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Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
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he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.