HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
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NoShamevember. You game?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"