if only i could text you this smell
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.