the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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