if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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