the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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