Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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