First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
