I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Your dad touched me again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I enjoy the company of your penis
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