Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
