you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
