The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
