Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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