too bad you live with your parents still
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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