so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
