how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
