People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
