The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
