Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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