This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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