I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You ruined the universe
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
