I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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