so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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