he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
