worst night to have a conscience
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
