You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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