I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So squirting runs in the family.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
