I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
