Just fell off a train. Bad.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
