i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
