no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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