ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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