Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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