dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
