your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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