Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
