how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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