this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
