where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
