Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
