He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
