erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
