well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
