I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
