I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
