North Korea, Best Korea!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
