Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
