i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
