ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
