you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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