dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
