The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
