I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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