I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
