I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize