Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
