i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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