even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
