two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
