I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
