Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
