My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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