I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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