Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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