I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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