Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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