Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
