Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have fence marks all over my body
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
