god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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