i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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