This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
