Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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