i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
