Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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