not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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