she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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