Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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