brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
