you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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