i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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